Reik-Invierno

I've been working on writing my first complete song. it's called Before. I mentioned it before. I don't know why it is so difficult. I'm having such a painful time trying to write that I have moments where I think I'm not made for this. That's gut wrenching.

Anyhow, since I'm having such an issue in writing songs, I'm gonna put a song on my site from a group that doesn't have problems writing. REIK. I currently am in love with this song called INVIERNO. It translates to WINTER.

I first heard this band a couple of years ago when I had cable. I love listening to spanish/latin pop rock because it makes me remember when i first allowed my ears to eat the sounds and my spirit to digest the melodies and the rhythms to fuel my inspiration to write music. That moment when you open yourself up to something new whether someone introduces you to the new item or not, that moment is so beautiful and precious and perhaps life turning. I wanna have many moments like that again. I want to digest the world.

I love listening to music in different languages. I love listening to music period. My tastes are just so varied that at times I wonder who I am. Then I realize, I'm not just a pop girl, rock girl, bollywood tune girl, vallenato girl etc.. I'm a music girl. I strongly encourage listening to music of different languages that you don't understand. What you are forced to listen now is the music! That is the most important part. The melody, the chord changes are what grab you. Notice at times when you hum a song you don't really need the words, most likely you don't know the words. It's the music itself that got you humming.

Sometimes I wish that there was no such thing as words or languages. I wish english did not exist, I wish french, hindi, korean, creole, cantonese, spanish, portuguese, german, russian, swahili, afrikaan, romanian, hebrew, arabic...whatever did not exist. Language serves as a barrier at times. People can't understand each other and even when they do speak the same language, there is still a problem with understanding the meaning behind their words.

With music, there is no such thing. People move to the notes, the rests, the rhythms of a song. We hear the pain and joy in the music. Our souls speak in one language when we hear a beautiful song. How else can you explain someone like Mariah Carey singing in an arena filled with thousands of Japanese non-english speaking individuals moving and crying to her songs. Or how can you explain me loving bollywood tunes so much to the point that I wish was Indian, in Mumbai, Bombay to be part of the culture that brought such beautiful tunes. It's all the same. It's music. At those moments of loving and singing a song and being inspired by it, the soul of the songwriter (and vocalist depending on the song if it is sung or not and if the singer is being genuine to the song) and the soul of the listener are speaking to each other. For the most part the songwriter's soul is speaking and revealing itself as the listener's soul is listening and getting to know the songwriter in a deeper way that on a conscious level we don't realize.

Here's a task. Take any song from another language you don't understand. In particular, try to pick a song that moves you. Listen to it a number of times and let your soul digest it. Listen to the melody, the chord progressions, the rests, the rhythm. Listen to the vocalist. Listen to how they say and sing the words. How they attack or caress the lyrics. Listen to the voice. Then write down what you think the song is about. Not what you think but what you FEEL as if you're writing the lyrics to the song. SERIOUSLY!!! When you're done, find the translation to the actual song and see if your lyrics or concept of what the song is about matches the lyrics. If you let your soul digest the song, more than likely you will have the same concept or something very similar. Our souls understand the language of music because it is the soul's language. It talks through inspiration. Our mouths and minds do nothing but bring confusion.

If you are going to do this, try not to watch the music video accompanying the song if there is one. This is so that the video does not clue you in on what the song is about.

Anyhow, REIK is an amazing Mexican pop group. They have no problems writing good songs. I'm waiting for the day that I'm able to write easily a song for my voice, for my soul to speak, for you to hear, to be inspired by.

LAVINIA...

Hi,

Here is the new name!

I use to know this Romanian woman named Lavinia. She had this brute personality in a way, very short tempered and immature. But her name resonated with me in a way. I thought it was a romaninian name but I found out it is actually an italian name. It means the mother of the Roman people. What do you think? I have no connection the italian culture except that I speak french and I am learning spanish and they are both latin languages like italian. It is an exotic name and with my internet search, I haven't found any pop rock singers with that name out there.

Sorry I can't give you a lengthy defense on this name like I did with Akasha, and Aviva but tell me what you guys think. :)

Lisa

P.S. I found this pic on flckr.com. I think it kind of fits the name and me. Lavinia is in italian name and Italy is know for it passion and red is the color of passion. I am filled with passion to follow and live my dreams. Additionally, this pic almost represents me. To me, the flamenco dancer in the picture (I'm a flamenco dancer too) is waiting for her time to shine. She's in the dark because no one knows who she is yet and she's waiting for her turn. This is where I differ or I may be the same. I don't want to wait but I am waiting for my turn in the spotlight where you can see my face, my music, my artistry, in the big stadiums.

Britney's First Post Rehab Outing...

Hi Everyone!

I got this article from www.people.com. Britney is getting back to form and I am so proud of her! She went back to my old dance stomping grounds at Millenium Dance Complex and took class! Awesome! I miss those hardcore dancing days... Take it slow Britney, but I'm proud of you!

Here's the article...


In her first public appearance since rehab, Britney Spears stepped out to take a dance class and have sushi dinner with her girlfriends.

Spears left home Friday night to take a one-hour hip-hop class at the Millennium Dance Complex in North Hollywood – this after laying low since checking out of Malibu's Promises treatment facility on Tuesday.

Wearing nude fishnet stockings with dance boots, black hot pants, a black long-sleeved shirt and baseball cap over her dark brown wig, Spears arrived with her assistant as well as two bodyguards to take a 7 p.m. advanced-level hip-hop class with instructor Darrien Henning.

"The minute she walked in, she basically lit up the room," Henning told PEOPLE. "I had no idea she was coming, so I was shocked."

Spears, whom Henning described as looking "fantastic," quietly took a spot in the back of the about 30-person class held at the studio's 12,000-sq.-ft. "Dome." "She did the choreography really well, Henning said, adding, "In fact, she came in and nailed it."

And the pop star's presence in class seemed to serve as an inspiration: "All my students tried harder to get on their game," Henning observed.

Returning to the dance studio is a homecoming of sorts for the pop star, says Millennium Dance Complex owner Robert Baker, who counts Spears as one of his star clients. "She also comes in to scope talent," Baker told PEOPLE. "More than once she's hired our teachers to choreograph for her."

And true to form, the pop star stuck around after class to watch a master class from the VIP lounge.

Spears next headed to Bel Air fusion Japanese eatery SHU Sushi House Unico to meet up with three girlfriends around 10 p.m. The four women dined at a table near a window at the front of the restaurant, an onlooker tells PEOPLE.

Upon leaving, the pop star smiled at waiting photographers and gave a friendly wave before heading home alone at about 11:30 p.m.

Why can't I make myself a priority to me?

Hi,

Hope all is well with you guys. I had my voice class on monday and wednesday this week for 1 1/2 hours each. We're trying this new format to see if it's gonna work. Usually we do 1 hour 3 times, now we are doing 1 1/2 hours twice.

Anyhow, this week we started working on this song "Sometimes I feel like a motherless child" which is an old gospel song. I've never heard it but liked the song when my instructor brought it up. I've been put to the task of playing the accompaniment which is somehow very difficult for me because I am a classically trained pianist and this song is not classical. But I'm trying.

Additionally this week, my teacher made me recite a line of one of my lyrics and made me come up with a melody on the spot! WOW talk about a challenge! I'm not good with writing music in general but I guess it was good because I started singing something and he really liked it. He made me go home to write up an accompaniment to what I sung but that was difficult for me. I don't know why it seems that writing is very difficult for me.

He noted that the few things that i have brought to him, he all liked them because they had interesting chord progressions that you don't hear in typical western pop music. He went further and said my lyrics are also interesting. The lyrics I sang in class, he made me finish with what seemed like a chorus. I guess the song will be called "Before." The lyrics are about me knowing that my love is about to leave me but me pleading one last time to not leave. I guess the way i formatted the chorus, he thought was really interesting to the point that he said it was really good because it matched the feeling of having my breath taken away and etc.

He said that he truthfully wouldn't really encourage to a certain degree songwriters etc to bring in their stuff and work on it but he said that my stuff is really good. My big problem, which he noted and i knew, is that i don't finish any of them. I know that big time!

I notice I always finish stuff that is important for other people but when it comes to me, I don't ever finish what's important to me. That's why it was so important for me to run my first marathon and train completely on my own and finish the marathon this past October. Now I must finish this weight loss that I started 2 years ago and accomplish my dreams.

Although I know the importance of this, I don't know why I can't finish anything that I start that is for me? Shouldn't I be first priority to me? I think it goes back to my childhood and even now, my relationship with my parents. Growing up poor, my parents always made me feel I was lesser in a way when it came to things that mattered to me. But things that mattered to them, me becoming a doctor, or lawyer or whatever was important. My parents, in particular my mother kept a tight leash on me and my dreams. Thus I'm used to doing things that I don't want to do and being pessimistic about my dreams or capabilities because that's how I was raised. I'm trying to break that but it is very difficult to break out of that cycle. I'm not going to accomplish anything if I keep on like this.

I'm gonna finish this song. I don't know when but I will.....

Lisa

Here's a pic of Jennifer Lopez. I admire this woman. Despite not being raised wealthy and having parents that wanted her to do other things with her life, she defied that and listened to her heart and made herself a priority to achieve her dreams. I will always admire Jennifer Lopez for that.

Today was a good day...

Hi,

hope all is well with you guys?!! Thanks for the comments on the previous post regarding AVIVA. I'm in love with the name but I still have some time before I make my decision. I probably won't reveal the name I picked until the show in June.

Anyhow, today was a good day. Despite not having worked in almost 1 1/2 weeks (i think i'll be starting a new project hopefully at the end of this week or early next week), I had a good day. Well, first it started a little annoying, my alarm clock didn't wake me up before I went to the mac store to get an issue on my laptop fixed. Anyhow, i later found out there wasn't an issue. Good!

I rushed home, and then left for my 2:15pm private bellydance class. It was awesome! I've been taking bellydance for awhile now but i've added on privates because i want my technique to be fine tuned and i want to accelerate quickly. anyhow, we started off with 1 hour of video watching of the Golden Age of Bellydance. it was great to see the greats such as Samia Gamal and Baddi. we also watched dvds of present day troupes and dancers. there are some amazing dancers out there such as, rachel brice, zoe jakes, heather of urban tribal, and of course..the mother of tribal bellydance (well not exactly but to many she is)...Suhaila Salimpour in San Francisco.

We danced for awhile and had some good girl talk and listened to some music for choreography ideas. We really connected. I am making the decision to be around and learn from the people i naturally connect to which is hard to do, at least for me.

i connect with my teacher for a number of reasons. one is that we both, well she is actually doing it now, fuse different dance styles with bellydance but in particular flamenco which is not as common to find.

but she is convincing me to go get a level 1 certifciation from teh the great Suhaila Salimpour in California this August when I go out there for my intensive training. we'll, see...it's nerve wrecking!

watching the dvds and getting the history lesson is so important to me because i am getting an education in the craft of bellydancing. it is a history, a culture, a way of life...i would be slapping the arabic people and bellydancing in general a big slap if i did not pay respects and learned the history...

anyhow, i raced out of there when we were done because a 1 hour lesson turned into a 3 hour lesson. Good for me!. I rushed to my flamenco classes. I had 2 back to back. No time for rest! I always have fun in the classes but i get majorly frustrated because flamenco is not in my blood yet...thus it gets difficult for me to hear the music...i mean really listen to it.....i pick up quickly but flamenco is a different beast all together..you have to become a physical instrument with your entire body. anyhow, i have a private with my flamenco teacher this thursday.

but today was good, i was able to devote the majority of my time to my craft, performing via dancing today. tomorrow i have my voice lesson. i have to practice alot of guitar tomorrow because i have class on thursday and i have been lazy practicing. :(

i finally got the garageband 3 manual book so i can learn how to use it on my laptop. it's a software program that helps you create music on your laptop. from what i've seen so far in chapter 1 it's awesome!! There's a whole lot more to go.

anyhow, i gotta go. i will talk to you soon. sorry it wasn't really an exciting post. but it was a good day today! how was yours?

lisa

p.s. the pic is a picture of samia gamal who was the one who started the whole bellydancing thing with heels. she did this because she grew up extremely poor and didn't want people to think she was poor and couldn't afford shoes when she danced.

AVIVA

Hi Everyone!

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I have no excuse but pure laziness!! Anyhow, I promised the new name and here it is!

AVIVA

What do you guys think? I first heard the name from my friend whose partner just gave birth to a baby girl. Her name is Aviva Monaco. Isn't the name gorgeous! It sounds like a movie star name! I toyed with the idea of taking her whole name but I think the name Aviva may be better.

Anyhow, since my friend is jewish, it kind of fit why they picked that name. Aviva is a Hebrew name and it means, innocent and springtime. It is also latin and means youthful. I definitely am not innocent! And spring is not my favorite season. My favorite season is fall especialy mid to late fall.

Anyhow, I loved the name when she told me. It is a rare name which I like. So far all the people I've talked to about the names except for my brother all like and prefer AVIVA versus AKASHA. My one friend joked and said it sounds like a water bottle (she was thinking about Evian :).

To me the name sounds very lively, airy, and even calm like water. I like that. I really like Aviva Monaco but since I'm not trying to become a movie star but a pop star, I think just AVIVA will work. You know the whole one name thing like, Beyonce, Madonna, Shakira, Janet, Ciara, whoever else...

I think another really far off reason why I may be attracted to this name is that there is Jewish blood somewhere down the line on my mother's side. Her last name is ISRAEL. Since AVIVA is Jewish and the name Israel is as Jewish as you can be, I think it might be a reason why I connect with the name.


If there is Jewish blood in me from generations ago, then it makes even more since why I like the name and the little bit of ladino music that I have heard including music from Yasmin Levy who is from Israel and sings some ladino and flamenco. Ladino is a romance language derived from old Castillian Spanish (from Spain) and Hebrew.

Furthermore, ladino has a strong connection to the arab language and culture.

Remember guys I'm a flamenco/belly dancer, who is learning flamenco guitar, and flamenco singing who has some Jewish blood on her mother's side from unknown generations ago. Isn't that interesting? It's almost eery that I like this name! Although I may not be a full blown or "present day" Jew whatever that means, it could be that my blood remembers..... Hmmm....

I know it's probably a far stretch but it is interesting right?

Anyhow, tell me what you think? I really appreciate your thoughts on it. If you have other names please bring them up! I'll be bringing another name sometime next week after you guys have digested this name! Bye!!!

Lisa

P.S. Doesn't this picture fit the sound of the name AVIVA?! I want my spirit to be this calm and beautiful. :)

AKASHA!!!

HEY Guys,

Please remember to comment on post about the name AKASHA! I'll be bringing the new name tomorrow! Thanks!

Lisa

P.S. I thought this pic was an awesome pic so I posted in. I got it from NY Times.

Another Amazing Woman....

I don't know what people's thoughts are on Ms. Angelina but she is an amazing woman (in my point of view) for her activist work. I copied and pasted some of her
comments from her exclusive interview with Newsweek.

NEWSWEEK: What was your original motivation for working with the UNHCR, for doing these kinds of trips?
Angelina Jolie: I started traveling about seven years ago with film. I would go to places like Cambodia and hear about the many refugees in Thailand and hear about the land mines and hear about the history....I remember sitting up for two days straight and reading everything obsessively. I read about the UNHCR and I realized it was an agency that I didn't know anything about: that they were taking care of 20 million people. ... And I remember realizing that I couldn't understand how I had not known that my whole life.

When did it occur to you that you could do something about this directly? Did people approach you or —
I approached them. I think they thought I was a little crazy.

When was this?
Six years ago. I was very nervous to call the U.N. agency at the time. I [was] considered a rebel in Hollywood. At the time I was also a bit of the wild child. So first I went to Washington [to the UNHCR office] and I sat with everybody there and said, "You know, I know you don't know me. You might have heard things about me… And I don't want to bring negative attention to your agency. If you could just help me, I'll pay my way."

I spent the next year and a half going to, first, two camps in Africa, and then Pakistan and Cambodia. And with no cameras and with no press and had the opportunity to have this great education before I spoke at all…. I was transformed in such an amazing way.

But you do have photographers following you now.
It took me a while to agree to do it. I guess I saw that so many times the picture comes before the knowledge and the substance and I certainly didn't want to do that to myself or the organization. And also, I really just was shy. I was shy about sitting on the floor and talking to a woman and having a camera take a picture because I thought it was making less of my conversation with her. But… I was changed by the faces of the people I saw. "It is something that I am incapable of describing...those faces and that place and those people. And so I think it's just—let the people speak for themselves through the camera. And if I can draw you in a little because I'm familiar, then that's great. Because I know that at the end you're not looking at me, you're looking at them.

I think it's fair to say people start out by looking at you, Angelina.
As long as they end up looking at them, that's the point.

You were worried that you'd get in the way.
Yeah. That's why I brought no media, it's why I sat back. That's why I just helped them load things. And if I felt that I was ever getting in the way, I wouldn't do it. Because I do care about the opinion of the aid worker, I do care about the opinion of the refugee. I care less about the opinion of the person who's never been in the field but has an opinion about celebrity.

Do you still go with so few people? I can't believe you take no one with you…
I take no one. I [go] by myself on a commercial plane and into the field with my backpack.

You still do that?
Yes, I just did that on my last trip. I met the photographer there.

When you got there, what were the people saying about their situation?
There are several photographs with this boy tied to a tent pole, and there's also another photograph of a group of women near some tents, and one of them has her ankles chained.
The first time I saw that in the camp [it was] obviously really shocking. They are people who are traumatized by the bombing [by Sudanese government forces attacking villages in Darfur] and by war. The old woman may have had some dementia before. The reality is there are one or two aid workers for every 2,000 refugees. The same with the doctors, the therapists. The basic need there [is] to just try to keep these people safe. To keep the tents up in all the sand storms, try to get the food distributed and basic health-care needs. The [chained] woman started to beat her daughter with anything she could find. She kept hearing voices of the people yelling at her. So she feels constantly under attack. I'm no therapist, so I don't understand all the details. But when I did try to talk to her, she seemed pretty rational. But then she started aggressively telling me that I had to stop them from putting snakes on her. And for the people to stop yelling at her and for the bombs to stop dropping.

And the little boy?
The little boy was a normal 3-year-old [now 7] who disappeared for 48 hours after [his village was bombed]. I can only imagine what he saw. Sure he saw death. And when found, he was found in a state…

As a first reaction you want to remove [the rope]. But the mother, she has four other kids, she's by herself. Therapists visit him, but if [he's] left alone he will disappear or bang himself. I talked to him for like half an hour and just kind of looked at him for a long time before he touched me and there was a little boy in there who was open to a kind sound.… There's a normal little kid right there, but he's got a look of fear. He's nervous to touch. And you can feel that need for safety. The mother unfortunately can't not go work for the other children and can't sit with him all day long and hold him, which is probably what would do some good. But what he needs is probably some serious therapy. [There are] lots of children like him there. Lots of victims of war. [It's a] whole other thing that you usually don't get to address because they have to be so focused on the basic needs of survival. These are the many other casualties of the kind of war that is happening in Darfur.

Do you despair?
Certainly, at times. The first two years I just cried constantly like a woman does.

You're living in New Orleans right now. Is that just because you like the city or because you wanted to bring attention to New Orleans, too?
A bit of both. Brad was doing a film here and so we were going spend a month here. [We] realized it was a place we liked, we liked the people, I liked the school for the kids. They're very diverse. I liked the other parents. I feel very comfortable with them. We're happy having our children here. Brad is working on rebuilding here.... But for me, just as a mom, I love the other parents and the kids and the schools. I'm starting to work on the education here and the school system here. There's a lot of work to be done.


Read the whole article and all the pics here...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17540069/site/newsweek/

Lisa

P.S. Please remember to comment on AKASHA!!!!!!! Read my post on it a few posts ago please!!!! :)

Anna Lo

Hi,

This woman is the first minority to hold political office in Ireland and first Chinese in Europe! She is a Chinese immigrant who has lived in Ireland for over 32 years. She's not protestant, catholic or christian which is the majority over there. She actually had to carry a panic button as she went knocking on people's doors in South Belfast in case she was attacked. Racist attacks have become increasingly common in the past few years over there in particular against hospital workers from Africa and the Phillipines. Her election is amazing especially in this almost exclusively white territory.

Despite this, I think it's troubling that we are still saying the first Black, the first Woman, the first Asian, the first anything in this day and age! It should be common place that every race and gender is represented, oh well. I don't want to be a downer cuz this is a great positive. I'm happy and excited for her and what it represents, change and progress!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070309/ap_on_re_eu/nireland_chinese_winner

Lisa

P.S. Please don't forget about your opinion on the name "AKASHA." Read the previous posts about it (about 2 posts ago). I'll be bringing the new one on Monday!

Phulorida Bhangra at DDA

Another one...better sound...very clean.

Columbia Bhangra at Bhangra Blowout 13

This is a Bhangra team. The sound is a little bit harsh. But it's good though.

AKASHA. #2

AKASHA

A few posts ago, I mentioned that I have been toying around with having a stage name because my name is oh so boring. My first outing with this name will be this June at my vocal performance.

The first name I came up with was "AKASHA". Say it. Doesn't it sound exotic, mystical in a way? "AKASHA....." Well, this name sounds good and it has a great meaning. I think this name may be perfect actually. The meaning resonates why I want to perform and live my life as a world class/stage performer. It plainly describes what role I want to play in people's lives when I perform.

AKASHA comes from the Sankrit meaning space or sky, 5th element of hinduism (air, water, fire, earth, then akasha), subtle spiritual essence that pervades all space, pure spirit, breath of god, the energy of motivation, passion, determination. To radiate shine. It is the ether of movement

Like I said in the previous post and before that I want to be the energy behind people's ambition to do something positive, to follow their dreams! When I found this name i thought "This is eery almost pre-destined that I pick this name." What do you think?

Tell me what you think of it. I know it may be hard since you guys, don't know what I look like and maybe don't know my personality too well by now, and you guys haven't heard my music.

I think the exoticness of the name fits me for a few reasons. One, although i was born and grew up in NYC, I am of Haitian and Dominican descent. I speak French, understand Haitian Creole and I'm learning Spanish. Two, a little obvious, I'm a bellydancer. It fits the exoticness of bellydancing. I'm also a flamenco dancer, tahitian dancer. Three, my music is pop/rock with caribbean, eastern (india, arabic, armenian sounds here and there...basically from bellydancing), a slight dash of flamenco, and classical.

Four, I'm a dark-skinned black girl who sings pop/rock with special influences. And when I hit the big stage, people will look at me as exotic because there are a finite number of black girls who do the whole pop rock thing and of those few a couple have made it but it's hard to stay. Anyhow, I think being me in the industry will make me exotic.

Five, it has a strong connection to Buddhism & Hinduism. Although, I don't talk about religion and I have mixed (more or less negative) feelings about it, I'm intrigued by Buddhism. I'm reading on Buddhism, it reiterates alot of my beliefs. My brother is a Buddhist. He really likes the name...

Anyhow, tell me what you think. I'll be bringing up the second name tomorrow or this weekend after I've gotten some feedback from you guys! Thanks!


Lisa

P.S. If you don't know, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Bhangra/Giddha dancing. I actually took a few classes in it and realized that I am naturally good at this form of dancing however the teacher has alot of attitude thus I don't go to her anymore. I fell inlove with it after watching numerous bollywood movies. I have a friend of mine who is from New Delhi and she's going there in a couple of weeks. I just can't wait until she gets married so I can go and visit India for my first time and experience Indian culture first hand. She's Punjabi. There's a Bhangra blowout coming here in a couple of weeks with several Bhangra dance teams competing. I really wanna go but I don't wanna go by myself cuz it's such a fun environment. If you don't know anything about Bhangra dancing, check it out. It's awesome!

"Sliding down the rainbow of my childhood dreams."

Hey Everyone!

First of all, thanks to each of you who commented on my previous post. What you said was positive and I greatly appreciated it. I was pretty shocked and well please with the long comments I got. I guess a long post deserves a long comment since yout took the time and energy to actually read that long post. Anyhow, thank you so much!

Today I'm in a better mood. I had my harmonica class today. Today's class was a little different in the sense that during the first 20 minutes of class (it's only 30 minutes), we just talked about rock music. My teacher is a full time musician and teacher. He plays like a million instruments. Anyhow, I played him some music that I like and asked him to educate me on the type of rock songs that I was playing for him.

I was telling him that I've been playing alot of attention to the type of music that I naturally gravitate to since I love so many kinds of music. I notice that I gravitate towards rock, eastern sounds, caribbean sounds, and pop. He noticed that alot of the songs that I liked have drop tuning in it. It's kind of hard to describe what drop tuning is since I kind of learned it today. Since I LOVE LOVE LOVE System of a Down, they are pretty much experts in that sound. The guitarists Rodrigo y Gabriela put alot of it in their music. I love the cajones sounds in flamenco and some arab music.

Anyhow, later on when I played the harmonica we did something very different today. I've been learning to play Heart of Gold by Neil Young on harmonica. My instructor started to play the guitar part of the song and I asked him if I could sing the vocals while I played the harmonica. He gave me the words and then I started to sing. He loved my voice. It was a little nerve wrecking but not really. It's just I haven't sang for anybody but my vocal instructor and the people at my recital who are pretty much geared to hear bad singing.

He asked me to sing the song in a particular way and I did it. That might sound pretty trivial but being a singer requires you to be able to adapt to different moods and to have a great control of your voice, in particular for the greats out there. It was great that I could control my voice the way he wanted me to.

Anyhow, as we were doing it, I realized how much at home I felt. It was just so natural. I was engrossed in it. I felt like finally I belong to something! Music, performing is where I belong. I felt normal, whatever that means. I didn't sing perfectly. It wasn't a grammy winning moment but it was a moment that I want to experience over and over again.

Very few people are able to live in that grammy winning moment all the time. Very few people can do what they love, are good at it, and get paid for it. Whatever it may be, singing, dancing, cooking, teaching...whatever it is...if you have the love, and are good at it and people are willing to pay for it...you are trully blessed.

I strongly believe that if people followed their dreams, the world would be a much happier place.

I was so excited I immediately called my vocal instructor after class and told him what happened. It was so exciting. He was happy. Just being able to combine a couple of the many things I do (dance, sing, play piano, play guitar, play harmonica, write), in this instance sing and play harmonica, was ...I don't know what to say..really, there are no words.

The feeling I had today was only an inkling of what I felt last June on my first outing as a singer. There I danced and sang. I have never felt like that before and today was close but it was so amazing.

I guess the best I can say is a line from Nelly Furtado's song (my favorite singer!)from her Folklore album. It's from the song "Childhood Dreams." In those moments, I felt like I was "sliding down the rainbow of my childhood dreams." That's a good feeling.

Anyhow, I gotta go. I will talk to you guys soon. I gotta clean my room and practice some guitar and hopefully write some music tonite. Bye!

Lisa

P.S. Do you ever wonder what is at the end of a rainbow?

A Woman's Crave...

Hi,

I hope everyone is fine. I'm doing ok, somewhat. This probably won't be a happy positive post like my previous ones. But this is an open diary of sorts.

I will speak freely and naively to say that every woman on this earth has a similar desire. I probably am wrong but this is me. I believe that every woman has a desire to be craved by a man. Craved by a man that she also desires.

I guess this is something I think we as women have been trained to want. I remember as a kid all the pretty girls got all the attention. I never got attention in that way. I always wanted to. I always had a strong belief that my father believed that I was not pretty and I always attributed it to the fact that I was his spitting image. I remember being told by my godmother when I was around 8 years old at a party "Wow your mom is so beautiful, why did you have to look like your father?"

That has stayed with me till even now. Now that I'm an adult, people are telling me that I look like my mother more and more and that I'm pretty. But those comments are don't always help. My mother, especially as a young woman, is/was gorgeous. I remember looking at those pics when I was younger cursing at the fact that i had my father's complexion, his cheeks, his dimples, his eyes, his fingers..everything wishing that I had something of my mother to help balance it out.

Anyhow, I'm an adult woman, and I still haven't bloomed yet. Yeah, I got the small breasts, hips and all...but I don't feel I've reached my blooming period when everything settles and the beauty comes to life. Sometimes I wonder is it gonna happen? Sometimes I wonder have I already blossomed and this is all there is of me? Sometimes I wonder the reason why i ask myself when am I going to blossom is because I'm trying to deny the fact that this is me and I'm not happy with that.

I have to admit, there are days that I purposefully don't look at myself in mirrors because I don't like what I see ( my body and my face) and this is coupled with the fact there are days (very few) that I love looking at myself in the mirror and I see the little things that make me beautiful. I just wish I had more of those.

Tonight, we had a happy hour at my office and my boss was there. I saw him make comments about a couple of the girls there. I was part of a special team to work with him one on one and the girls were not on the team. It was his first time kind of meeting all of them. Although his actions were professional, he obviously was interested and saw them as attractive. Although, I don't see him as attractive ..there was something in me that sank in that moment. I wanted to be seen that way. Those girls are attractive girls and they get similar attention elsewhere.

Yea, I've gotten some of that attention before in by other guys but I felt it was more like you're a female, and you body is pretty alright and so I'll make comments. But it didn't feel like they really wanted me.

I've had a few boyfriends before and I have to say with all honesty, that I don't know what it is like to be wanted and craved by a man. All of my boyfriends used me for something or another. It's really heart wrenching when you realize that the man you love, doesn't feel for you the same way although he doesn't ever say it. It's hard to realize that all those times he touched you, it wasn't genuine. It's hard to see him quietly and quickly glance at other girls, your friends included.

Now, I'm kind of dating this guy. Well we're not really dating. We were coworkers/friends for over 1 year and then things progressed a little. I thought I was safe with him. Shit, he had over a year to look at my face to think if I was pretty enough for him. He had over a year to get to know my personality to know if he liked me. During that entire time, I didn't look at him that way because his type never was interested in girls that looked like me and so I didn't even bother thinking of him in any other way but the guy I worked with. I saw his reactions to a couple of my friends and other girls when he thought they were gorgeous. I tried to hook him up with a couple of my friends. Needless to say it came as a shock when he told me he was interested in me the whole time. But as we got more intimate, the less of him I saw/heard from.

He always says that I'm sexy and beautiful but why do i think it's a ploy to get me to sleep with him. maybe it's just me.

It's hard for me not to think that if I looked like some other girl or if I was actually pretty or prettier that he would treat me with the attention I see those girls get.

You've all seen it. That pretty girl who gets the attention. People treat her with some higher level of respect. I want that. She gets missed. I don't.

I've always been told, by many guy friends that I have that personality that I can hang with the boys, that I'm cool and all. Well if I have the personality then the looks must be the problem right?

It was kind of hurtful, to see those girl co-workers being missed by my boss, whom they have never really met or seen. I worked with him by his side and I wasn't even looked at when I said goodbye. all i got was a hand throw like good riddance and see ya. No I don't want my boss, but i want a little of that attention he gave to those co-workers. Other guys have that feelign inside for those girls but I know there's none towards me. How do I know, well a girl knows, at least I know and my instinct usually tells me I'm right. Besides, I'm used to it and so I know.

I just want to know what it feels like to be in that body. Sure there are some negatives but the feeling of being craved by a man in particular a man you desire is somethign I have yet to feel. It's painful. As girls we learn that we can get who we want if we are pretty enough, thin enough, etc.

Anyhow, I"ve talked too much. I gotta go to bed. Talk to you soon. Sorry it was long.

Lisa

P.S. The first pic is the beautiful Aishwarya Rai from India. She is a bollywood actress and has been deemed (by Julia Roberts on Oprah Winfrey ) to be the most beautifull woman in the world. She's hugely popular in India. There is nothing to say about her beauty. It exists.

The next picture is Jessica White. She is a US model. She is in the current Sports Illustrated magazine, which is where I got her pic from. I hate that the only pics I could find online were of her in bathing suits. Her face is just so well crafted. She is stunning.