New Direction..

Hello All..

As promised, I am back with a post on Wednesday. Yay! I kept my word. It does get hard keeping up with the posts with my busy life but what keeps me coming are the few people that make time to check out what's going on in my life.


Well, as stated in my previous post, there is something that has come up in my journey...my journey into the entertainment business...my journey in life...Something that has hit me hard but yet lovingly..

I don't want to be FAMOUS...

Yes, you read that right. I don't want to be famous. I guess what I really mean is that my study of music, my peformances, my dancing, my singing, my creativity, my blog...all of them...are no longer driven with the want to be FAMOUS...

I started this blog a couple years ago to track my road into the music business. I had all these ideas of selling out arenas, world tours, red carpets, hanging out with the stars...etc... I thought that would help validate my success, my music, me...

I thought all of this at the same time that I made it part of my mission that by achieving my dreams I hope that I would inspire people to live their dreams....because I trully believe that if everyone pursued their dreams then the world would be at peace, there would be unity....

I strongly believed and still do believe that people can identify with me more than the typical starlet. I have alot more things in my way, i believe...it may be naive.. I'm not 18 years old, I don't look like a beauty queen, I'm not a size 2, I don't have support from anyone, I have a job that doesn't do anything for my soul, for humanity, except bring money for the few by doing mundane routine tasks, I have over $100,000 school loans to pay back!!!! I don't have the long years of consistent music/dance/singing training. The list goes on and on...

But in March of 2005 I decided to take control of my life and do what I could to achieve my "far-fetched/impossible" dreams. I've had so many moments of doubts, where I thought I should give this up. But then I have those small moments of "WOW..I've done so much...I've written actual full-length songs on my own...I've performed them...people who've heard them love them...I'm competiting in solo dance competitions...I'm teaching bellydance lessons..."

In addition, I realize despite the long-length of time I've spent saving money for Colombia/Spain, I'm actually at the point where I can put an actual date of when I'm leaving on my Colombian/Spanish journey. It's taken me 2 and half years but it's actually going to happen..February 2009!

I can't wait to immerse myself in the cultures, in particular the Spanish and flamenco culture in Spain. I'll be killing myself with dance and voice lessons there and starving since I won't have much money. But...I don't want to live any other way. I'll be in an orphanage in Cartagena, Colombia and hopefully finally meet my Colombian music idol in person. Our pen-pal relationship has grown and I can only imagine our first face to face meeting. I hope I don't build it up so high that I'm deflated when I meet her. I don't think it could deflate...I care for her life, her health, her happiness.... She is just a wonder...

My spiritual/music/life journey can not be accompanied with the major desire for the superficial. Well, it can....as long as it is for the positive. As long as it helps me realize what is more important to life, to humanity...unity, peace, happiness..

I know I'm saying this and watch how now I say I don't want to be famous and all of sudden that's when it happens... Well...I just will have to keep reminding myself of the bigger picture. Like I said earlier, a selfish superficial desire is not conducive to the greater good...unless it helps you later realize the greater need of unity, peace and happiness for humanity...

No I have not lost my desire to create music and perform, as a matter of fact, my desire to create and perform has only increased 10folds. Although I didn't come out with the immediate ability to sing perfectly or to create symphonies or to dance with the perfect technique....a gift was given to me... It is up to me realize this HUGE gift I was blessed with, it is up to me to develop despite the odds....It is up to me to inspire the way I would like to....

I know the gift of creativity/performance was given to me in a huge portion...everyone sees it...most importantly I see it... I've just been given extra obstacles to cross...

Fame is no longer the end goal.... THANK YOU!!!

So glad I realize this...

I fought this thought privately for awhile... I thought maybe I simply don't want to perform anymore because you can't want to perform and not want to be famous at the same time, right?

Wrong.... I'm glad I came to this realization...on my own...

Don't think I still won't fret on how many more sizes I have to go before I'm a size 2, or if you like my music, my voice etc... But that no longer drives the reason to be fully engulfed in my creativity...to live life as the artist I would like to be...

That is why I am changing the title of my blog from "AVIANA...Coming to an arena near you" to simply "AVIANA...."

My spirit is growing.....where to...I don't know..But it's growing.. Like John Mayer says "I'm bigger than my body..." I hope that you will continue on this journey with me...arena tours or not...

I will continue to delve on the usual topics such as my music journey, my rants, boys, fashion, the mundane, spirituality and more...


I did say this awhile ago, I am going through some sort of metamorphosis.... I hope you are willing to watch me grow and hopefully you will grow too..Hopefully I will inspire you...hopefully you will inspire me and..hopefully you will inspire others and so on..

Life is a winding road...it trully is...

Thank you for reading and following me on my journey...


AVIANA

P.S. Here's Madonna with Drowned World/Substitute for Love. This song is on the "Ray of Light" Album. I think this is the album where her quest for fame & the spotlight were eclipsed by the birth of her daughter and thus her spirituality came that much more in her consciousness. Thought this might be fitting for this post.

Madonnna with "Drowned World/Substitute for Love"

show thoughts....

Hi All,

Isn't that a cool picture....

I hope all is well with you all.... I'm cool..you know? :)





Again, for the millionth time, I apologize for not keeping up with the posts. No major excuse except busy with work and stuff.

Well, as you read in "AVIANA-Show Experience" post, I had a gig a couple of weeks ago. I sang a Flamenco Tangos piece at this showcase. I originally planned on singing my song "Rise," however, I had issues writing the verse lyrics and thus decided not to sing it. I think it may have turned out to be a good thing because the crowd probably would not have been into it because it would have been too mellow for the crowd. It is a midtempo beat song, however I would have done the acoustic version of it with just me on piano which would have been a ballad. The crowd was very welcoming but I think it would have dragged things down a bit. Well who knows, maybe it wouldn't have mattered.

Anyhow, the Flamenco Tangos piece went awesome as you read in the previous post. Yay! I've already booked another gig in August. Yay! I'm not sure if I am looking for more gigs for the moment actually... Yes I know that sounds a bit odd but I want to better perfect my craft..to be truer to the art...

You know, after the show I was on such a high that it lasted for 2 days! It felt great but I also felt some guilt and some anxiety of sorts. I felt that I was being selfish by just being the only one to feel this high. Weird? I mean, I sincerely hoped I inspired people to follow their dreams when I performed. However, that didn't seem like enough. I contacted a friend in Vancouver and he told me to find a person who was having a bad day and spend time with them. I thought that was odd but thought about it.... I thought about people I could have contacted but it was like 10:30pm on a Saturday and everyone was out and I couldn't really think of anyone really having a problem...

hmmm...I guess I wasted some energy...but I now know for next time...

Anyhow, I won't keep you guys on for too long... I wanted to get into something I've been thinking about for awhile now.. However, I think it is best for the next post... I promise to have it up by next Wednesday!

I think it will come to a shock to alot of you. It certainly came as a shock when this presented itself to me.

I'll leave you guys...

Have a nice weekend... Stay tuned for the next post...

Oh, if you happen to live near Victoria, British Columbia, Canada...please check out TWOFEST. It is a 3-day concert festival with the theme of taking back the environment. It is a grassroots festival. Some amazing talent will be there. The major themes are unity through diversity and taking back the planet.

It started last night, goes on tonite and ends tomorrow night...(June-18-June 20).

Then TWOFEST is heading to China in the Fall...

We all can do something about the environment...

Here's Naseem Khozein who is one of the performers at TWOFEST. I of course won't be there since I don't live over there. Isn't she awesome and beautiful!


Have a nice weekend!

AVIANA

P.S. Naseem Khozein

PROUD..

Do you notice the caption?!???1!! "OBAMA'S Baby Mama"

I'm in the middle of writing a newsletter for a non-profit due today and about to go to work and I see this!

Do they refer to John McCain's wife as "McCain's Baby Mama?" Do they refer to John Edwards' wife as "Edwards' Baby Mama?" Do they refer to Clinton's wife as "Clinton's Baby Mama before and after she became a politician? Do they refer to Bush's wife as "Bush's Baby Mama?"

WHY???!!! Because she is Black/African-American woman??!

This is sickening, appalling, rude, crass, beneath simple-minded, RACIST, repulsive, conniving, filthy..

And NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO!!!! They did not do this by accident!!!! It didn't slip through anyone's supervision at FOX news.


Are you proud that you share the same thought process as the slave masters who raped, tortured, beat, and killed Africans in the United States and all over the world. Because I am sure they would have said something like this.

Are you proud that you share the same thought process as the white slave master who grabbed that black woman slave and raped her constantly in every unimaginable way possible at his own will? Because rape is not simply a penis going inside a vagina...

Are you proud that you share the same thought process as the white mob that grabbed countless black men and women from their homes in the middle of the night, tied their legs to the back of pickup trucks and dragged their bodies to their deaths?

Are your actions on the broadcast showcase what it means to be an American?

Are you proud?

Are you proud?...Are you proud? ....

Tell me....Tell the world...

Are you proud?


P.S. Picture found on www.bossip.com and www.salon.com